


Adrift

by Astha6069 (AllegraRiiz)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Bullying, Drama & Romance, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Heavy Angst, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Original Character(s), Slice of Life, Struggle, Yaoi, kiss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-10-14 18:24:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20605301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllegraRiiz/pseuds/Astha6069
Summary: Now turning 26 years old, he thought he will never have to deal with the cruelty of other people with staying home. But the appearance of those affects him in the past, and the guilt of pushing his mother away from her happiness, the built-up negativity, at the same time drives him to the corner once again. He wants to run away, but where?When Kanryou offers his hand once again, will Eiharu take it?Will he let Toshiya ruin his life as he did in the past?





	1. Chapter 1

"Mm, I know..."

Eiharu's voice barely a whisper. His smartphone currently sticks to his ear, he only uses a bare minimum of strength to keep it in place. The hums he once in a while lets out to shows that he is still listening is what heard in the room aside from the murmurs from the other of the line.

'I'm sorry, Eiharu. But that's all... I did this for you. Because I love you.'

The voice which belongs to his own dear mother sounds a little grim. Eiharu doesn't react for a few seconds, doesn't know what to say in particular, but also because there's nothing he could say in this kind of situation. He understands perfectly why his mother insists on making him getting out of his bedroom.

"I understand, Mom..." His voice rather hoarse, he forgot when was the last time he properly hydrated, "I forgive you... Stop saying sorry..."

Without giving a chance for her to say something else, Eiharu already hung up and threw his phone to the carpeted floor.

He lies there, limbs spread out on his messy bed, unmoving aside of his heaves chest showing he is still breathing. The blurry sight of the ceiling above his head, he ponders what kind of painting would look good so he can stare at it without getting bored. His mind wanders to the interior of his bedroom, imagining some changes which obviously not going to happen. The minimum light peeking through the closed curtain adds more to the unhealthy and stuffy small space. Just by staying there, Eiharu sweats badly despite the air conditioner is working nonstop to cool the room.

He needs to get out.

But the option is just not for him since he doesn't want to do it.

If not because his mother forced him to make her a lunch box, he surely won't move from his current position no matter how uncomfortable has it become. Still, minutes passed, the lunch hour is getting nearer, and he spends a full twenty minutes lying there like a log, mind busy thinking about many scenarios he will never be in.

Basically, he is procrastinating.

A loud ding coming from his smartphone he threw earlier, followed by a voice message from his mother reminding him the time is ticking, adds more to his carved deep anxiety.

"I knoooow...."

He whines, even though there's no way his mother can hear it. He shifts his body slightly, feels the cold air touches his sweaty back. Even getting out of the bed is so much work, he really prefers to lie down all day long. His hand fumbles on the nightstand looking for his glasses, doesn't bother with the fingerprint dirtying the lens. Waiting for the numbness leaving his legs, he's so tempted to lie down again. If not because another voice message coming in, he might spend another full hour procrastinating.

With much unwillingness, he finally rose from his seat, drags his legs towards the door and leaves the bedroom.

========

The sound of the knife against the cutting board, followed by a sizzling pan on the stove. Eiharu's hums can be heard, in rhythm with the gentle song playing through his headphones. His slender fingers swiftly move from one spot to another; cutting, flipping, folding. The counter lining in front of him, no space visible as any kind of ingredients are spread over. Cute patterned paper boxes sitting not far from there. As he glances at the small bunny printed on it, he couldn't help but smile a little.

The traces of uncooked-yet-ingredients stick to his hands, add more to his appeal. His face might be hidden by his long bangs, but the eyes focused on the work in hand, shows the glint which usually isn't there. He can whine all day, protesting against the work he needs to do instead of lazing in his bedroom. But he couldn't deny the feeling of joy as he dances in the kitchen. Besides, no one will see even if he flipped on the counter or something.

The hums earlier gradually changed to a proper sing. His voice isn't that bad, albeit the hoarse is more or less taking over. The fast beat of his song doesn't affect his pace. He managed both them well, singing and cooking, like a professional in their field. Seeing the beautiful golden color, a smile of content spreads on his pale face. A little bit of taste testing, then everything went perfectly.

It was a small accident, when drops of water slide down from his wet hand to the sizzling pan. The hot oil splashed to his hand, leaves some small yet hot drops to near an old wound on his wrist. He halts for a moment. His mind playing a record of some things that happened in the past in auto. One which he prefers not to recall.

One which triggered the existence of this ugly scar.

His alarm snapped him back from his thought. He quickly turned off the stove and washes the burn, cooling it down roughly and starts putting the food in the boxes. He only has less than an hour left to deliver the package. If he doesn't move soon, then he will be caught in the wave of people returning from their lunch break. Not only it means he will be late to bring his mother her lunch, but it also means he will need to deal with so many strangers on the road. And the latter is what he tries to avoid as much as he can. He put on his mask and hoodie, make sure the door is locked properly, took a moment to inhales deeply, then off towards the busy streets of the city he lives in.

A little bit amiss of his calculation, the street is almost filled by many businessmen alike. He checks his watch, sees the needle is ticking on time. This many people returning to their offices, might be because of the heavy clouds in the sky. Forecast weather gave an early warning about what seems to be an unexpected-yet-expected downpour. No need to say, Eiharu is prepared before he left the house earlier.

Across the road, the hospital building where his mother is working is standing tall intimidatingly. Eiharu spends a few moments to admire the beauty of its structure. The owner of this place must have spent a lot of funds to build such a massive facility. Even though it's not the first time Eiharu visit that place, every single time, he always felt amazed.

Not only the outer look of the hospital is amazing, but the interior is also as much as frightening. He isn't particularly fond of hospitals in general, knowing he had no good memories about one, but whenever he stepped inside, it doesn't feel like he is in a medical facility at all. If not because of white-robed staff passing him every less than 5 seconds and the heavy smells of medicines, he's going to mistake this place as a normal office building.

After signing on the guest book, he waits for his mother in the lobby. The open space is filled by new patients and staff walking back and forth. Some looking so happy as they leave the building, some looking grief as they rushed to the reception table. Many doctors, old and young, taking a company of the patients, all equally happy and gloomy.

Eiharu's mind wanders. He recalls about someone, one who was an important part of his short high school years. That person once mentioned, that someday he wants to be a doctor. He strived to work hard, with this kind of fully equipped facility as the place as the goal. Eiharu remembers how that person's eyes glinted as he spoke about his dream, deep down prayed that someday he can achieve it.

Now years have passed since that moment. That person should be graduated from university a few years ago. Knowing he was a brilliant student, Eiharu won't feel surprised if he finished his study earlier than expected. His work was always tidy and perfect. If he managed to get a position in this kind of place, it's pretty much like a destined fate he had since birth.

By the last line of thought, Eiharu lets out a bitter snort.

Albeit he almost never goes out, almost never socialized with anyone aside from his mother, he still taking track of most individuals he knew through his life. With how the world practically an open book on the internet, he can easily look for things with few searches. He tracks his old teachers, his classmates, his acquaintances, those who were a part in his life despite their presence were not that insignificant. Most of them are now at the peak of their life; good career, stable economy, happier moments....

Eiharu is lying if he said he doesn't feel envy. He is by default drown in loneliness more than he dares to admit. But to go out of the way and enter society, he still has no courage to. Let alone leave the house. He doesn't even dare to look for any information online about two people who affected his life the most.

His crush.

And his bully.

========


	2. Chapter 2

Kanryou is in the middle of sipping his coffee, when the talks the nurses had changed its course from recipe sharing to some kind of gossips. He wonders who this Tamaki girl they talk about, but there surely so much hatred in the way they describe her. Whatever this random Tamaki girl did to these thirsty women, he doesn’t think she will get out in one piece. He kind of worried about her safety, wherever she currently is.

“Ah, you’re here? Sorry, I was talking to a patient.”

Kanryou glances at the other side of the corridor, see one of the nurses he worked with a few weeks back, Haruna, is talking on the phone.

“What are you saying, geez. Wait for a moment, okay? I’ll go down soon. Don’t hide in the corner just because you saw someone you know. You’re a big boy already.”

Kanryou involuntary smiles. Seems the older woman is currently talking to her kid who came to visit. He ended up watching her more, see how the happy smile and a chuckle followed by is warmly carved on her motherly face. And since Kanryou is standing there blocking the entrance, Haruna soon enough noticed his presence. She bows towards him while still talking on the phone, did some kind of hurried goodbye and hung up.

“Your kid?”  
“Yes. I asked him to prepare lunch for us, and he got angry because it took me so long to meet him in the lobby.”  
“Us?”  
“Yes, we nurses. He is a decent cook, Yukisada-san, so I told him from time to time to make lunches or dinners for us. It might be not many, but he can use the money to buy snacks or something.”  
“Ah, I see.” Kanryou ponders for a moment, “Your son… how old is he?”  
“He’s 26 years old this year.”  
“Eh?”

Haruna can tell the shock on Kanryou face, but she doesn’t explain more as she hurriedly walks to the elevator. Kanryou naturally offers his help, which she accepts gladly, but halfly he did because he wants to hear more about her son. They chit-chat randomly on their way, as Kanryou bit by bit baiting her to speak more about her son.

“He is unemployed,” Haruna said in the end, “It’s a little embarrassing to say this but he dropped out of high school.”  
“Oh… If I may ask, why?”  
“Bullies.” There’s a blatant hint of sadness in her voice, “I was late to notice. When he finally spoke to me about things he went through, the knife was…”

Kanryou quick to pat her shoulder, stopping her from blurting out things. Now he understands why someone like Haruna is trying hard every day. She still has someone relying on her. He noticed how hard she works when they were on the same team. And he must say, he loves to be in her care.

That gentleness she has, hiding some kind of sorrow.

“After that, he dropped out. I couldn’t really tell him to get out of his bedroom. As long as I see him no longer hiding his tears, it’s enough for me. I still force him to deal with the house chores, though. Even though he barely did aside from preparing our meals.”  
“He must be a good person.”  
“He is a good kid. Just too timid. Please don’t be offended if his action seems to be… you know.”

Kanryou smiles and nods. It piqued his curiosity, as he never meets a NEET up close. His image of Haruna’s son is like those usually shown on TV; short, fat, wearing glasses, face full of acne, breath stink and hard, and rude.

So he really isn’t prepared to see Haruna’s kid is nowhere near that description.

========

“Eiharu.”

Eiharu stands as he heard his mother’s voice, ready to blurts out some things in frustration after so long waiting. It’s not unusual for her mother to bring someone else, to help her take the boxes. But when his eyes landed on that white-robed young doctor standing next to her mother, a faint smile plastered on his handsome face, Eiharu feels his blood pressure dropped.

He froze in his spot.

“Wow, it smells so good.” 

Haruna didn’t notice Eiharu’s expression, took the plastic bags from Eiharu’s hands and passed it to Kanryou. Kanryou still watching EIharu through a gentle smile, waiting for a chance to say something like a greeting. Haruna speaks some other more while giving the money, and Kanryou took that chance to study the man in front of him more.

He is nowhere near fat. In fact, he is rather malnutritioned for his built. The glasses seem too thick, maybe from spending most of his time inside a room with not much light or in front of a monitor. He doesn’t breathe heavily or spouting some rude words, or maybe because Kanryou hasn’t heard it yet. His long bangs cover most of his eyes, and the lower part of his face hidden beneath a mask.

Overall, he looks normal. Just a little to thin.

“Eiharu?”

Haruna’s call snapped Eiharu from his world. He turned his head to Haruna, whose hand is holding his while handing the money. He heard her saying a thing about the person in front of him has been helping her much with work, trying to get him to greet the person as a polite greeting. Eiharu’s mouth opened, about to say something to brush the awkwardness taking over. But when that person offers his hand, Eiharu’s feet turned cold.

Without further ado, he turned around and dashed out from the building.

“Wait, Ei-- Yukisada-san, I’m really sorry for his rudeness.”  
“No, it’s nothing. I guess I startled him.”

Haruna still saying more apology, but Kanryou doesn’t really hear her. The look Eiharu gave him right before he ran, somehow giving him a sense of deja vu. And not just that. Everything about Eiharu is sending a wave of nostalgia he almost missed. 

_Eiharu…. Why does his name sound familiar?_

==============


	3. Chapter 3

The loud sizzling from the frying pan, now on its way burning the salmon into charcoal. Despite the smells are filling the kitchen, it's not enough to snap Eiharu from his thought. His eyes indeed glued to the blackened piece of meat, yet his mind wanders somewhere else. The chopsticks loosely hold in between his fingers, about to fall to the floor. And Eiharu still standing there like a broken statue.

"Eiharu, you burned the pan!"

By that shout, Eiharu's mind forcibly brought back to reality. The poor meat is impossible to be saved now, so he can do nothing but dump it to the trash bin. While whining.

"What are you doing? If you don't want to cook, then leave it."

Eiharu only glances, not really listening to his mother's ramble. His gaze meets another person's currently standing by the door, and he bows a little in return for that person's smile. That person is around middle age, with a big build and firm visage, short hair, thick eyebrows, the true definition of a delinquent. If not because of that aloof yet sweet smile, and the gentle cologne sipping out of his figure, anyone will mistake him as a Mafia or something.

The man enters the kitchen, holds Haruna's shoulder and says something to soothe her. The smile is really a contrast to his visage. Despite the gentle words are not directed to him, Eiharu feels equally calmer. He took a deep breath and silently recook the dinner he ruined. He doesn't react to whatever her mother says, completely ignores her and focus on his task. He's not really in the mood to talk to anyone.

Unfortunately, Haruna won't buy that at times. And this time happened to be those times.

"Eiharu, do you hear me?"

No response.

Haruna sighs. She knows Eiharu is listening, but refused to give any reaction. Even though Eiharu normally acts that way, there're particular moments when he really refused to be in a conversation. Usually, Haruna will give him some time alone to sort his feelings first before forcibly seat him down and had a talk. But today, she won't let him.

"Eiharu, Yukisada-san said you might be his acquaintance. Is that true?"

Eiharu's hand halts for a brief second, but he pretends like he doesn't affected by it.

"I don't know." His voice is low, but enough for Haruna to hear it, "Maybe, maybe not."

"Then he really is. Who is he?"

"....Who knows."

"Even if you didn't know him, what you did was rude."

"...."

"I understand if you don't want to be in any conversation with a stranger, but why did you have to run away like that? You never do that before, why? He did something?"

Eiharu breathes slowly. The way his mother bombards him with questions triggers his anxiety faster than usual. He really wants to run away like he did this afternoon when he met Kanryou, lock himself inside his bedroom, curling under the blanket and never coming out again.

"Look, Eiharu." Haruna continues with a softer tone, "You don't have to do that, alright? If you feel uncomfortable, you can always tell me. Isn't that what you usually do? Signaling things?"

Haruna waits, but Eiharu still silent.

"You were being rude, Eiharu. You do realize that, don't you? Yet you still did. I really want to make you apologize to him personally."

"What? No!" Eiharu turned around immediately, "I don't wanna see him!"

"Why?"

"No reason! I just don't want to, okay?? I don't even know him!"

"If you don't know him, why are you getting so worked up?"

"Because you forced me! What else?? So what if I ran away?? Did I hurt him?? I didn't, right??"

"Did you forget I will be the one affected by your action?"

His mouth opened to retort, but nothing comes out.

"It's embarrassing, alright? Yukisada-san is an important person at my workplace and you just--"

Haruna stops, sees the change in Eiharu's expression. She regrets things she said immediately. The fear of having Eiharu back out from her filling her mind. It's already hard enough like this. And for her, Eiharu doesn't help at all with the situation. She can do nothing but only hugs him from behind as soon as he turned around back-facing her.

"I'm sorry, Eiharu."

Eiharu keeps his hands working. After he turns off the stove, by then he gently lets go of her arms around his middle. Without particular words, he only hums, short and low, refused to look at her in the eye. A big hand on her shoulder makes her turned her head.

"Why don't you relax in the bath first?"

Haruna stills for a moment, but then nods and left the kitchen. Eiharu still pretends like he hears or sees nothing, focuses on preparing the dinner by himself, when this big guy gently ruffles his hair and smiles. Eiharu doesn't need to look to know what kind of face that person is making. He always knows.

"Let me help."

Eiharu nods, glances for a moment.

"Mutsuo-san, are you... Spending the night?"

"If you don't mind, yes."

Eiharu lowers his gaze.

"Why would I mind... Besides, it has nothing to do with me."

"Silly boy, of course it does. I won't stay if it makes you feel uncomfortable."

Eiharu glances at him again. As usual, the same gentle smile always plastered on that hard visage. It makes him happy to know this man, the one her mother fell in love with after years divorced with his father, is the man she chose and not someone else. Mutsuo never treats him like an outsider, sees him as if Eiharu is his own son. The unusual attention always makes Eiharu feels accepted, and he also sees Mutsuo as his own father. However, his awkwardness shows the opposite.

"I don't.... Really mind."

He backs out instinctively, rushes to the shelf to get another plate. He feels guilty for letting his body take over his mind, but he really can't control his anxiousness around just anyone. Good thing, Mutsuo understand Eiharu's problem and never cross the boundaries. Mutsuo is lying if he said he doesn't want Eiharu to open up to him, though.

"Thank you."

They both sit around the table, waiting for Haruna to be done with her bath. Eiharu is not one to start a conversation, so he keeps his mouth shut all the way. Since Mutsuo must have heard about what happened in the afternoon, Eiharu got restless on his chair. If Mutsuo really asks him, he doesn't want to answer. Nor like he knows what to answer.

"So..." Eiharu flinches as Mutsuo really starts a conversation, "What have you been doing today?"

"Huh?"

Eiharu raises his head to see Mutsuo. The older man seems to genuinely ask him that, not trying to lead him to another sensitive topic, and it kinda surprising.

"Eh.... Nothing?"

"I see. You should at least open the curtain even though barely."

"...Yes..."

"And make sure to stay hydrated."

"Yes..."

"Kinda reminds me. I met this little boy in the clinic--"

Eiharu listens to his story, confuses since Mutsuo really just trying to have random chit-chat with him. After watching how Mutsuo talks, he realized Mutsuo just trying to cheer him up. The small gesture, did not too straight-forward, giving Eiharu small sense of comfort. That's another reason why he likes Mutsuo. Despite Eiharu keeps his safe distance, will not just blurting things out unless his mother baited him to, Mutsuo never pry. He will listen, giving some sort of acknowledgment and encouraging words, and never once judge Eiharu for things he did or did not do. Around Mutsuo, Eiharu feels even someone like him has his own worth, that he too deserves some kind of solitude even though most people see him as nothing but a burden.

This random topic with no importance whatsoever relaxes him. Eiharu involuntary lets out a thin smile and starts responding more than simple words. The heavy air from before disappeared completely from the room, Haruna who has been watching from the door can see how Eiharu no longer tense. A thin smile also forming on her no-longer-young feature.

Even though her relationship is not one to be considered as good, in the past few years, it increases much thanks to Mutsuo's presents. She was worried Eiharu won't accept him, Eiharu did backing out so much in the first months she introduced them. But now seeing them can converse casually like a real father and son, it lifts much burden on her shoulders. She sighs and joins them, took a seat next to Mutsuo and wants to be included in the talk.

She no longer asks about the thing with Kanryou that night.

=====


End file.
